When you feel like hope is gone!

Look inside you and be strong???

I am finding that very difficult at the moment!

How many times can you be given hope and let down? I feel like a deflated balloon! There is only so much fight a person has, I am usually the glass is half full sort of girl but right now it feels like it is full of hot air!

I do not nor think I will ever understand the British Council/Goverment! I bet if I was well off I wouldn't have this trouble! Or even lived down south! Maybe I haven't shouted loud enough or spoken to the right person yet but I have now run out of options! The Mayor, MP and press are yet to return my calls! I thought as much, post-election they are never really interested!

Anyway! The inclusion panel met on the 24th of May and I rang up the SEN at NC Council on the 25th at 2pm on my break at work! He had the cheek to say he had been trying to call me this morning! I had no missed calls on my mobile, but he may have been trying to ring the house phone, although I doubt it as my dad and my sister were there all day with Amira! He explained that the panel have confirmed Amira can go ahead with being statemented! Yes you heard right she can now be statemented! We are only at the first hurdle!

In the meantime, their Special Needs School (TB) is full and won't have a space until Sept/Oct! In the meantime they 'may' put Amira in an ARC school (TV) with an additional 1:1 support worker until then and change her schools when the time comes in Oct! I told him that would not be happening! Whatever school she goes to will be her school! No chopping and changing! How can I expect a 5 year old to understand that, let alone an autistic child, I know you hate school but you are going to a new school with people you don't know and have a someone else there to work with you 1:1 who you also don't know. Then after a term you will go on holiday for 6 weeks and then go to a different school again with all new people and start all over again!!!!!!

NO! I am not doing it! I'm not setting her up for certain failure! He then asked what I suggested and I asked about NT council? They have a Local Authority Special Needs School that is just 5 mins away from my door (BH) which is also Autism specialised. I have worked with the school over the last few years in connection with my job and they have always been great! They are fantastic with the kids and seem to have an amazing bond with them as well as encouraging them and helping them develop! On top of all that, I have a trust in the school, that they would do their best by my daughter and help her to be the person I know she can be. He agreed that it was a Local Authority School and as long as they had space AND he spoke to his counterpart at NT Council it shouldn't be a problem! He would call me back on Tues (29th May)!

Hooray! I let out a huge squeal in the smoking shed and a friend who knew what was going on got the whole conversation relayed! She was so pleased for me! I was getting somewhere! No one wants to send their child to a special needs school but if you have to you want some choice! After all when you pick your child's mainstream school you get a choice of 4!!! Why is it different for us that have to look at Special Needs Schooling? Anyway, I was ecstatic! I rang BH as I had to speak to them anyway, I am organising an event for the 9th of June and they are holding a stall I needed to clarify a few details!! After I went through business I asked cheekily if they had any spaces in their school for Amira? The lady I spoke to knew a bit about her already from previous conversations and she listened as I abbreviated the whole situation although she said she couldn't do anything she told me that there was space!!!! As I hung up I allowed my self to get even more excited! Was this it, had I done it???? I thought what else did he need? Contact his counterpart at NT council! I had already spoken to him! He was lovely and he tried everything to get things moving before, he also had been active in ringing NC council with me to get them to respond! He already knows Amiras backgound! He would definitely help! That's it! She is in! Phew! I was near tears with joy! I practically skipped through the store and found my friend working, I told her all about it and she was so pleased. She had seen me near breaking point earlier on that day. I just couldn't stop crying and thought this day would never come. I would wait until Tues and when he rings to confirm I will tell him I will take her there on Wed morning myself and will stay with her as long as they needed.

Nothing like getting ahead of myself was there! I waited by the phone on Tues and by 11am I started ringing the SEN at NC Council! Meeting: left message, 12:30: away from desk, left another message, 1:50: meeting another message left, 3:00: still in meeting, 3:45 Meeting he would get back to me! I told them I was happy to hold until he got out of his meeting! 24 mins later. He took my call!

Hello Mrs Salih!! ( aggrrrhhh!) it's Miss Williams I corrected him, my daughters surname is Salih! He would not be sending Amira to BH!! You could have knocked me over with a feather, the wind had literally been taken out of my sails! He then told me that if he sent her there it would be for assessment only and they would have to give her a full term there. This would then delay the statementing process so it would be best to surge on through with the statement as planned! The next meeting would be on the 30th of July and that is when all departments will have to have their paperwork in by! Then the panel would meet again by the beginning of September and assign Amira a school within the NC Council District!

*Gobsmacked*

I asked again as I hadn't really heard properly! My brain had kind of sunk, I had Amira and Tariq running around screaming and my Auntie had just arrived with some home-baked pie and scones for us too! Did he just say meeting again on the 30th of July, look to start in September??? No, surely not!

Yep, he did! He said BH would probably not take her anyway as Amira didn't have a statement yet! (in other words he hadn't even asked!) Slow down the process??? I have seen snails work at a faster pace than NC Council! He said this was definitely the best course of action and by the first meeting in September Amira would have a school assigned! I asked what if I didn't agree with the school they chose? I really don't want her that far away! Amira does not travel well and during rush hour there in the morning and on her way home would be an hour at least each way! He told me I could always appeal the decision when it was made in September, however, this would delay the process further, appeals can take a further 26weeks!

I hung up and as the information sunk in, I am speechless! I told my dad and my Aunt what had been said. My aunt is 70+ and was furious! 'That is not right! Get on the phone to the papers, ring the radios they cannot do this'. My dad is just so angry at the system, that his granddaughter is left out and let down. He and my whole family have paid into this system for years, all worked never claimed benefits and look what you get! NOTHING! My dad saw the disappointment in my face and didn't push the subject as I think he knew I would explode! When my mum and sister came in I told them too! They too don't understand how this can be right!

I am now at a complete loss! Amira is now only sleeping for about 30-60 mins at a time at night sometimes having more short sleeps throughout the day! She has no structure or real stimulation and doesn't like to leave the house! Tariq is getting later and later for school each morning as he doesn't understand why his sister is not coming too! Fighting with me to take her too. He loves school but doesn't understand why he goes and she doesn't. Amira doesn't fight as much right now and as she swings on her playground in the garden (my dad has built what looks like a park in the garden to keep her busy!) Amira will spell words for me and always asks me to count her down from 10-1 blast off and push her to the moon! M-O-O-N!

My mum has had confirmation of her hospital date and gets her foot operated on mid June and we are waiting for my dads date for his surgery on his knee too! That will be difficult to cope with but as always with our family we will just get on and cope! Some how!

I have now given up hope, resigning to the fact that in the councils eyes my daughter is just a number, they as well as the MP's, Councillors, Mayor and The Press simply don't care! It doesn't benefit them. The elections are over and the story is obviously not news worthy! If I was a celebrity then I'm sure it would be different. Although I'm sure they didn't have the issue of getting their child into the right school! It is amazing what money can buy! Amira is just a number in the system and will be dealt with when they see fit, in their time! Regardless of what this is doing to her. Amira has already been out of school for 5 weeks! It will be 19 weeks before the Sept term starts and she won't be starting straight away! That is nearly 6 months my child is expected to be excluded from school! If this isn't discrimination I don't know what is! I have even looked into the possibility of moving home into the NT Council catchment! Ha! To start I probably could not cope alone, second I most definitely couldn't afford it, unless I gave up work and sponged off the Goverment! (I really don't want to do that I love my job, it gives me a sense of worth and an adult environment I can escape to!) third, get this, my mam and dads house is too big, I couldn't get a council house! I could be sneaky and just put down a relatives address that lives in NT Council district? Nope, I couldn't firstly, I am not very good at lying I have telltale grin/smirk, secondly, the whole process would have to started all over again! Third, when Amira started whichever school  they pick the escort/transport people collect from that address and take them to school! See I have thought it through! Not like me at all!!

I am now completely lost. Do I get in touch with citizens advice/solicitor?? What could they do anyway? Do I sue the Council as I have been advised to, for discrimination, and see how quickly they get her into a school then? Do I lobby the Houses of Parliment? Try the press again? Contact the MP again? I truly believed that the council and MP's actually worked for us, the people! I thought we paid our taxes for them to look after our schools and health! I was obviously mis-informed or very naive!

Please Help Me! What do I do now?