Baby Mine

Baby mine,
don't you cry,
Baby mine,
dry your eyes,
Rest your head,
next to my heart,
Never to part,
Baby your mine!

Never have these words had more meaning to me!

I am losing my baby, I don't know how to help her, I am so afraid that my baby girl will never lead a normal life. I am scared I am not looking after her properly and I am doing something wrong. I am frightened I am to blame. I feel so alone, I need help, is this all my fault?

I feel guilt for the times telling her off for years for things that she may not have been able to understand.
I feel guilt that maybe I haven't told her off enough for the "bad behaviour" she has displayed over the years.
I feel ashamed that people stare when she has a meltdown.
I feel shame that I should even care what other people think.
I feel remorse for the thoughts of just wanting a normal life and how different things could have been.
I feel sorrow for memories that I wished for in her future.
I feel confused with the system,
I feel bewildered at how things are meant to be.
I feel raw with the ache in my heart when I see my daughter in turmoil.
I feel crushed by the social pressure of acceptance.
I feel angry at the hoops I have to jump to get my child an education.
I feel let down by a Goverment that can see the flaws but are yet to fix them.
I feel hatred to the ignorant that tut tut at my child.
I feel violated by the jokes or punch lines at my child's expense.
I feel saddened that there is no cure.
I feel in a daze with Dr Google and all the what if's that cannot be answered!

I sit and cry every night at my daughters side, praying to God to please just do something, to send a miracle, I cry silent tears so I do not disturb anyone. Even though I am so tired I cannot sleep, I just want my baby back.
It seems at times that the girl I once knew is not there. She still shows herself every so often with a smile, a laugh, a tickle even a song or performance.
I miss you Amira please come home to mammy, I will be waiting for you.

Love you Always
Your mammy xxx